Below is a link to a television news interview with Dr's John and Julie Gottman - "relationship gurus" about affairs and betrayal. While kept short for a tv slot, they share some of their insights into the impact of betrayal in a relationship. A point that stood out for me is John Gottman talking about what they have learnt from couples who haven't had and affair - loyal couples - they cherish one another, they don't leave one another in pain, "when you hurt the world stops and I listen". Loyal couples focus on being grateful for what they have rather than resentment for what is not there.
But there is hope for rebuilding - marriage 1 is over but it is really possible to build a new relationship that is better than before. John also reminded us of Peggy Vaughan's research that being able to talk about what happened and make some meaning of it is the best chance of staying together in the long run while those who try to put it behind them and move on too quickly without talking about it are more likely to divorce. We need to learn how to talk about it effectively and then how to rebuild a relationship built on mutual respect.